


Rank 10 (Un)Resolved

by EvaMarth



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Existential Crisis, Existential Dread, Social Links | Confidants (Persona Series), Yosuke kinda just, thinks too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvaMarth/pseuds/EvaMarth
Summary: What if Yu didn't punch Yosuke at the end of his social link?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Rank 10 (Un)Resolved

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this in an hour please don't kill me it's very edgy I know
> 
> This is all very fake deep shit so uh yeah :/ kinda cringe of me

It’s just jealousy, plain and simple. People like Yu, he’s charming, cares about other people and doesn’t over step his boundaries. Yosuke’s about as charming as a month old garbage can, he struggles constantly when it comes to other people and well, he’s overstepped every boundary that exists. He’s the polar opposite to his partner.  
  
Maybe it’s wrong of Yosuke to wish Yu had just punched him, even once. Just one hit would have been enough, but Yu had too much dignity to beat the shit out of one of his friends, even if they’d be beating each other up. It’s probably wrong to be so jealous of Yu’s every movement, his every lingering word that wraps itself in his gut, tying his organs in knots until he can’t even think of basic phrases because Yu said them so often that they tangle him up inside, fitting entirely too much emotion in his frame.  
  
Giving up his body for a better one would be easy in theory, but not in practice. Not dying, just, changing forms. If he changed forms enough, maybe he’d see the point in self preservation. Maybe he’d be more inclined to take proper care of himself- or at the very least, slightly better care. Speaking of which, he should probably take a shower. It’s been entirely too long since he had one. It’s not that easy to change your form, your body, but he wishes it was. It’d be easier if he could just change how he felt or looked instantly. Maybe if he took on a better form Yu wouldn’t have pretended to feel bad for him and wouldn’t help him that day at the samegawa.  
  
Chie mentions something about body swapping as a joke, Yosuke can’t remember why she even brought it up, but it sticks with him for entirely too long. What if he could do that? Just swap bodies with another person, someone better, someone worth the effort people put into them. It’d be so much easier than dragging himself around in his current body, forcing himself to put on a happy front for the sake of others. It hurts entirely too much, forcing each smile, feigning each joke, pretending every comment from Chie just rolls off of his shoulders. But none of it’s real. Everything sticks. Every word, every remark, every single sentence sticks to him and sucks him of all of his energy before he can even think of how to respond to it.  
  
Screaming at someone isn’t the way to fix an issue, it only makes it worse, and Yosuke knows this all too well but it never stops him. It never stops the screaming matches between him and his father, the times he’d cry himself to sleep imagining Yu and every stupid fucking perfect aspect of the other boy. Everything he does is without flaw. He can’t be critiqued whatsoever, and it kills Yosuke every time. Sure, it’s not the best thing, lying awake at night and thinking about how to critique your friend’s flaws, but how can you even critique someone without flaws? You can’t. Yu has no flaws. He’s everything that everyone wants to be and so much more. It’s sickening.  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
It doesn’t fix anything. ‘Sorry’ fixed nothing, especially after what Yosuke’s done to Kanji before. Kanji just turns to him, confused.  
  
“You’ve already said that.”  
  
Yosuke knows he’s already said sorry at least a dozen times, but he won’t stop repeating it. Not in his head when he looks at Kanji, not out loud when he musters up the courage to say it, not at midnight when he imagines himself as better than anyone else. But really, he’s worse. Good friends don’t imagine themselves as untouchable Gods, while imagining their friends grovelling at their feet, begging to be like them. It’s not healthy, it’s just a power trip, but Yosuke’s too far in over his head to even try and make sense of it all. He just wants to look different, be different, maybe he’ll be better in his next form. If he makes it to his next stage before crumbling to dust, that is. Now that he thinks about it, maybe that’s not so bad.  
  
“Still, I just want you to know I’m really sorry. I mean it.”  
  
Kanji just stares for a few seconds before turning back to the food in front of himself. He doesn’t seem like he wants to accept the apology, and then again, Yosuke wouldn’t want to either. It’s a blanket apology, it doesn’t even cover _why_ he’s sorry, just that he is. Kanji looks back, almost like he’s forcing himself to make eye contact with Yosuke before he smiles.  
  
“It’s fine, Hanamura-senpai. You don’t need to keep apologizing.”  
  
It’s not. It’s the exact opposite of fine, but Yosuke slowly nods, causing a silence that’s all too heavy and suffocating to surround the two like a weighted blanket’s been dropped on them.  
  
“I’ll…. See you later, I guess.”  
  
Yosuke mumbles before heading to the elevator he came from. God, that went worse than he anticipated. Sure, it could have been way worse, but Kanji probably resents him even more now. It’s not Kanji’s fault, Yosuke knows that, but those words creep back in. If Kanji had just toned it the fuck down, neither of them would be where they are currently.  
  
Naoto suggests Yosuke take a break, visit a doctor. She claims it’s good to go in just for a simple routine check up every now and then, but he knows she’s just trying to move him out of the picture so he can’t ruin anything else the team does. Nanako nearly died because of him, so who’s to say he won’t go off and do something stupider and actually end up killing someone with his bare hands? Naoto’s right to be worried, she’s justified in that, Yosuke’s not justified in anything. Maybe he should have been calmer last time, then the team wouldn’t hate him to death. If he traded his body for a different one, they wouldn’t hate him, they’d hate the _old_ him. Things would be easier like that. So much easier.  
  
Pretending he’s fine is easier. It’s so much easier than bothering others with stupid shit that doesn’t matter and won’t change anything in 2 weeks because by then it’ll be forgotten. Better Yosuke would say when he’s upset, because he’d know better. He’d know it’s okay to open up about his problems, but currently Yosuke suffers in silence, because he doesn’t have a spine to speak of. The better him would have a strong spine, indestructible by nature. He’d stand taller, he wouldn’t panic so often, he’d be everything Yosuke dreamed he could be and oh so much more. It’s weird to think about a better version of himself, but Yosuke does it almost 24/7. It’s almost become a daily activity for him. What would the better version of himself look like? What would he wear? What would he sound like? Yosuke doesn’t have any answers because his answers change almost each time, but he’d be better, that’s for certain.  
  
Inaba always looks so small from up atop the hill, but not small enough. It’s still too big for Yosuke’s brain to focus on. It’s all too much for him each and every time he tries to remember the details of places in town or trying to pinpoint places. It was easier when Yu was with him, because Yu was perfect, and his shining perfection cancelled out Yosuke’s countless, abundant flaws. Yu.... He can almost see the Dojima residence, but not really. It’s hidden, nestled behind taller buildings, but the tiniest strip of the house shows through. Maybe it’s just like Yosuke. All the crummy, awful things hiding the better parts of himself inside, only being shown to those who look hard enough. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough for Yosuke to think that he’s flawed by design, but good enough as is.  
  
Maybe he’s fine as is. Just maybe. Actually, he is fine as is. No matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> 1,346 words 7,422 characters !
> 
> Thanks for reading !


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